We Like Them, We Need Them, We Want Them…

17 04 2011

I can’t be the only one disgusted by the distinct lack of Artificial Colours and Flavours in foodstuffs these days.

The change in luminosity of smarties

In 2006, after “consumer concerns” over the safety of the colouring in Smarties, Nestle removed the artificial colours and flavours. Have you tried Smarties since they took the good stuff out? They’re inedible. Its like eating cheap and nasty chocolate coated with eggshells and coloured with shite or blood. They’re Foul and their tubes aren’t even round anymore.

I used to collect the lids for the alphabet. I have three full sets of the alphabet and now their hexagonal tubes no longer have collectable lids. It’s a travesty, where’s the intellectual advancement going to come from now?

We all know that the artificial colours and flavours emphasised focus making learning far easier.

Dolly Mixtures taste of cheap perfume

And have you eaten Dolly Mixtures, that now taste of nothing but sugar and the latest cheap and nasty Primarni perfume? Contemptible concoction.

Noticed that Barratt’s Refreshers don’t quite have the same WOW! zinginess as they used to have? They’re less refreshing, more rancid roborants.

And I’m not the only 30 something to have noticed. Online reviews pretty much state the same:

Refreshers are now rancid.

“New ones, bland, bland, blah…..no difference in taste between the colours. might as well be eating a spoon of sugar. bring back the old ones please, I’m not bothered if they contained artificial colours and flavours, I loved them.”

Its foul, its unnecessary. Sweets are meant to be a tantalising pleasure not a punishment for the tastebuds.

It’s not my problem if your little cherub went nuts on E Numbers and can climb on the ceiling like Spiderman. Why should I suffer from your inability to refuse your kids sweets that they obviously react badly to?

My kid reacts badly to milk, I don’t force the entire planet to take milk out of everything (although that would be a good idea), I just say No! to her and offer her an alternative. I don’t ruin your milky experiences, why ruin my sweet ones?

I am an adult and should be able to make an informed choice for my own pleasure. I mean sweets are bad for your kids teeth anyway. Sweets are not suitable nutrition for a growing child. The same cannot be said of a full-grown adult who consumes whatever they want, whenever they want. Its their informed choice, and a choice they should be allowed to make without unctuous, overly liberal, copious-breeders ruining their fun.

Now a whole generation of perfectly prudent, non-hyperactive adults have to suffer because of the instability of E-intolerant kids and their sycophantic, neurotic parents. It’s an affront to those parents who have to struggle with children with true ADHD.

I don’t care if little Tristan won’t sleep or if he tantrums on jelly tots. No bloody wonder he tantrums if they have all the non-artificial shite in them. I’d tantrum having to eat that flavourless shite too.

Little Tristan can't cope? Not my problem

I don’t care if Princess Tabitha smashes your favourite indigenous African fertility symbol while running horizontally around the walls on sherbet. She’s only practising for her drug induced clubbing years. If you were that liberal you’d join her!

Have you actually tasted any of these sweets lately? Well have you?

I don’t want my child growing up thinking treats are what you get when your parents try to poison you.

Bring back artificial colours and flavours. We like them, we need them, we want them.

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One response

1 08 2012
David

Couldn’t agree more. I’m in my 30’s and used to love Smarties. I’ve not touched them in about 5 years after trying the new ones. They taste pretty much the same as sucking on a coin, or at least, just as metallicy tasting, and the chocolate is awful. And yeah, the refreshers are like, collapse into a foamy tasteless mush of your tongue now. 😦

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