Loling is a crime

1 05 2011

white words Lol-free zone in a black circle

I have always hated the term LOL. There is nothing less funny than the simplistic three lettered acronym that has taken over every aspect of the written and spoken word in the past decade.

Why does anyone feel need to proclaim they are laughing out loud? It’s quite simple to work out when someone is laughing by the hahaha’s or hehehe’s emanating from their voice box. In the written word whats wrong with actually laughing, “haha” instead of proclaiming one is laughing.

If I go for a dump, I don’t proclaim, Dump out loud or DOL. I go, I shit, I wipe, I leave.  We all know the process, there is no need for explanation. You can sure as hell tell I’ve taken a dump afterwards without me needing to tell you. Same with farting and burping. In fact there are many bodily functions that do not require proclamations, many make their own statements or declaration of existence. Laughing is one such function.

So what is my issue with LOL?

I have many, in no particular order…

The laziness involved.

The abomination of LOL, for me, started on MSN Messenger. Suddenly the innocent and quite simplistic four lettered “HAHA” was replaced with three letters seemingly unrelated to the reality of laughing and merely proclaiming undertaking the act. People no longer wanted to type that extra letter as it was “too much effort.” Yet they were happy to make use of the present participle, which enforced an added three letters and occasionally a hyphen for good measure. Lol-ing was apparently easier and less effort than the trusty haha.

The spoken use of the phrase.

As with all ovine trends, the cross-over of LOL to the spoken word wasn’t long in happening. Just like O.M.G. becoming the pre-mating call of the valley girl. LoL has made its way onto the BBC as an acceptable term, even if its context is questionable.

But what makes presenters, particularly on radio where the auditory nature of the medium is so blatantly important, use the term LOL? It’s always spoken and never wheezed mid-giggle as would be expected if one was indeed laughing out loud.

If you’re in a conversation and something is making you literally laugh out loud, then it’s blatantly fucking obvious you are laughing out loud. There is no need for the proclamation. If you are able to proclaim LOL, then you are quite obviously not laughing out fucking loud, in which case you are lying.

And we don’t like liars.

The rofl/roffle

And as we have established, we don’t really care for liars, lets question the ROFL phenomenon;

  • are you really rolling on the floor laughing?
  • Have you ever rolled on the floor laughing at something from the internet?
  • Has your arse ever fallen off during any activity, let alone while rolling on the floor laughing?
  • Don’t you think it’s a little odd that something so humorous as to cause you to roll around the floor, also causes your bum to fall off?

One last question. If you are currently involved in the action of rolling around the floor laughing, while losing vital body parts, how do you manage to type the acronym to let others know what you are up to? I’d imagine having your buttocks leave your body in such a manner could be quite distracting if not painful, which is, lets face it not particularly funny.

And as may be only particular to me, I fucking despise the term “roffle” even more than what it stands for. As if by giving it a non-acronymic presence, it becomes a more acceptable or official use of the phrase. This term is often used by middle class, pseudo intellectual women in an attempt at retaining online credibility.

I hate to be the one to break it to you but there is absolutely no credibility in using terms such as rofl/roffle or lol.

The use of LOL as punctuation.

The biggest problem I have with the adoption of the phrase LOL and I’m sure I’m not alone, is it has now replaced a variety of punctuation marks. No longer does the simple single character ‘comma’ or ‘full-stop’ suffice in online and sms communications. Instead it must be replaced by the three character LOL.

Not only does this seem incredibly inefficient but it is also often used in a really unfunny context.

“My cat died today LOL”

“You’re fired LOL”

“Your cars a write off LOL”

I hate getting a text message where a random LOL is inserted where once a comma would have sufficed.I can’t even claim its an age or generational thing as its often older people doing it.

Lots of love

Talking of generational “things”, the misuse of LOL in inappropriate settings, seems particularly rampant among the older generations. On more than one occasion, aged sms writers have used LOL assuming it stood for ‘Lots of Love.’ There are plenty of urban myths where someone has written something along the lines of,

“Sorry to hear your mum has died. Lol x”

Only slightly awkward for both parties. Although I must admit, on hearing of such stories it does give me a giggle. A real out loud one too.

I do believe lol-ing is a crime. It’s a crime punishable by death. And if there is no death penalty where you live, then it should be punishable by humiliation or mutilation.




I should add this is the only time I have ever used the phrase LOL on the internet. EVER.





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