How a Pig and a Mouse Created Sheep and Destroyed the Economy

23 05 2011

So I know I’m not the only parent to hate that fucking evil deformed pig.

She’s everywhere. On television, foodstuffs, clothing, toys, bedding, wall coverings, fancy dress costumes, furniture. There is no escaping the 2D porcine princess.

peppa evil pig

That fucking pig is evil



iggle fucking piggle

iggle fucking piggle intimidates parents

And then there are those deviants from In The Night Garden too. If you think you’ve been lucky enough to escape the pig, round the corner Iggle-fucking-Piggle will be standing there with his red blanket and his tinkle to intimidate you into purchasing the product-du-jour.

And if you happen to avoid both of those, the old schoolers kick in, Mickey and Minnie Mouse and their collection of uber-twee pastel pals from a variety of Disney cartoons. I mean who the fuck is Marie the cat anyway?


Evil mickey mouse

Mickey mouse is as evil as the pig



All you need to do is set foot in ANY childs clothes shop in the UK and you’re bombarded with characters from tv shows that already bombard you in your own home. It’s inescapable. Even trusty old M&S sold out to the evil children’s branding monster…

So if you don’t want to dress your child like a whore or like a walking advert for children’s television, what the hell are you supposed to do? Leave them naked between the ages of 2 and 12? Give in to advertising pressure whether you want to or not? Dress your child in clothes for a TV show they don’t even watch because that’s all they have in the high street stores and supermarkets?

Its ridiculous and if you’re on a tight budget, most often that is all that is available to you.

I tried to buy my daughter a wendy house for her 1st birthday last year but short of bankrupting myself for one of the hefty plastic numbers that are larger than my first home, all they had were horrific tv character branded wendy houses and tents. As she was 1 and didn’t watch any of the shows, what was the point of forcing it all upon her? A large blue fallus with a red blanket on the outside of her wendy house would just confuse her.

In the end I bought a fantastic 2 piece tent with tunnel and odd cylinder thingumy from eBay at less than half the price and with no bloody tv characters on it!

After a brief conversation on twitter this afternoon, I realise I’m not the only person who isn’t keen on branding and marketing aimed at children and I’ll admit its a bit of a relief because on the nursery run, you rarely see a child who doesn’t brandish some character or other on their jacket or shoes.

ben 10 bedding set

Tarquin wont die with plain brown bedding y'know

While little Tabitha and Tarquin *must* have the matching his and hers Pippa Pig and Ben10 bedding, wallpapers, wendy houses, birthday cakes and underwear, I want my child to learn that individuality is important and that she shouldnt feel pressured to buy this sweat-shop mass-produced tat just because everyone else has them.


Pester power wont work as my daughter gained her stubborn side from me. I sincerely hope I can raise her to understand that having a pig or mouse or fallus emblazoned on your slippers is not the be all and end all.

Interestingly, my mother, who taught me at an early age of the nasty brainwashing tactics of advertisers and turned me against the branding-aimed-at-children culture that was forming in the early 80’s, now feels it’s unfair to have my daughter stand out from her peers by not sending her to the latest Disney on Ice or making her wear ITNG clothing.

If I start making my daughter wear this crap before she’s two, it normalises the whole concept of branding and promotes the evil industries built up around the need for children to fit in. I never claimed, once she was of an age to decide for herself while understanding my concerns about these products, that she couldn’t have a peppa-fucking pig mini skirt and matching bra-top *shudders* (and no that doesn’t really exist – that I’ve seen, it’s an analogy) merely that it wont be forced up on her as a toddler.

just say no

It's not always about the drugs for toddlers

Again it all seems to boil down to parents not being able to say NO to their precious little prince and princess, and whose fault is that? Certainly not the child. Marketing executives are capitalising on the lazy parenting culture we have adopted where branding is a status symbol and a distinction of your willingness and ability to fit in. Parent’s dreading Tarquin and Tabitha will be rejected by their peers based on what underwear they possess will pander to their plea’s without question, instead of teaching their children that individuality and non-conformity should be embraced alongside getting on with their peers.

What you own or wear doesnt and shouldnt define you as a person but when parents believe it does, what hope is there for the next generation? Greed and materialism all but destroyed the world economy and it could easily have started with something as small as a pig on a vest. Sadly it seems that parents don’t seem to grasp this concept of cause and effect.

Ok most children wont destroy the economy but with a predisposition for materialistic expectations they could in adulthood destroy their household economy.

It might sound ridiculous to suggest that a cartoon pig from a children’s tv show could cause your offspring’s future bankruptcy but it has to start somewhere… and where does it end? The downward spiral of materialism, the need to at least conform with peers on material possessions if not better them, and the craving to have their own child fit in and never to go without, does not lead to a healthy economic situation for the parents or the children.

What started out as a rant about the prevalence of cartoon characters in children’s clothes and toys masks a far more serious implication for future generations and instead of learning from the economic lessons of today, it seems naïve, irresponsible or downright fucking thick parents are doing more damage to future economies by purchasing these goods without question.


stock market crash

If the economy dies again, it is because you agreed to buy Peppa Pig jammies

And if you think its an utterly ridiculous claim here’s how its possible:

Parent doesn’t say no to Peppa Pig jammies, bedding, slippers, tshirt, knickers etc. > Child has materialistic expectations and demands > Child grows into adult with materialistic expectations and demands > Materialistic adults are likely to take more risk with debt to get what they want be that a new car or a banking investment > Today’s children are tomorrows bankers and MPs.

In the end, parents are the ones with the purchasing power. They have the cash, or not, to procure such goods and they have the ability to refuse to do so. “But it’s cute” doesn’t cut it with me, that only highlights your inability to embrace individuality for yourself and your child.

More fucking sheep.

a sheep

you are all in danger of becoming sheep


Yes I am well aware of the ridiculous spurious link between jammies and the world’s economy.




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