Labobo Enterprises? presents The Recto-Sheeromatic 5000?

21 06 2011

Labobo Enterprises? presents the Recto-Sheeromatic 5000? the only fully effective cutting mechanism in the battle against the Fart String ©

You’ve heard of the Cheese String, you’ve heard of Tennis Strings, you may even have heard of a Shoe String

Labobo Enterprises? would like to introduce you to the Fart String ©.

  • Have you ever had a particularly pungent parp that you couldn’t shake off?
  • Have you ever felt that fart from friday is still following you around days later?
  • Does your air-biscuit float not far from its foundations?
  • Are you finding it increasingly hard to convince others your fragrant flatus belongs to Stinky Alan instead?

Labobo Enterprises? have, through a series of extremely scientific studies, discovered the reason you can’t escape the essence of anus:

THE FART STRING ©

The Fart String © is a naturally occurring, unseen substance, born of particularly abhorrent aromatic flatus. It is a minute strand of stinker that connects the bottom balloon to its flutulent originator, enabling both guilt identification and extended life for the foul fragrance. The flatus feeds upon fetid gas from the rectum and as long as the string exists, the stench will continue to seep into the atmosphere and you will continue to receive blame.

The Fart String © enables the flatulencia to follow you wherever you go. The humiliation of being the guilty party in a crowded lift can now be eradicated with one swift, simple purchase. No longer will your stench follow you into the office. Leave your booty bomb behind for top floor execs to deal with.

Indeed scientists at Labobo Enterprises? have discovered that the only quick and effective way to break free of the Fart String © is to cut it with a specially designed bisecting mechanism, developed in top-secret by world-class engineers:

The Recto-Sheeromatic 5000?

 

Titanium scissors

Recto-Sheeromatic 5000? Patent Pending.

 

 

Labobo Enterprises? are sole manufacturers and distributors of this mechanism and you can purchase these shame slashing implements from us for the measly sum of £19.99

YES! for the princely sum of £19.99 you too can purchase the Recto-Sheeromatic 5000? and banish bottom burp blame to Bugling Bryan in the boardroom.

Don’t take our word for it, here are some customer testimonies

“After using the Recto-Sheeromatic 5000? my life has improved immeasurably. Prior to this life affirming gadget, I faced a grey existing drowning myself and those around me in my own guff. With one simple flick of the wrist I am liberated from any and all postern predicaments. Thank You Labobo Enterprises!”

GrumpyHatMan 34yrs old.

“I was plagued by parpage and fingers were always pointing at me. My job was in jepoardy, my personal relationships had broken down, my life was in disarray. I was contemplating ending it all.  Thanks to Recto-Sheeromatic 5000?, I have managed to shift the blame for my botty burps to Glenda in accounting, keep my job, find a new boyfriend and lose 50lb in weight. I’m a new woman.

Kevin in Procurement 54 yrs old.

Now here’s the science bit…

Our team of world renowned scientists and engineers combined to create ciscoria of titanium tungsten alloy, containing specially developed cultures of negatus parpium & disolvo digestivum L-sannio 666, which act as a bacterio-gasseous guillotine by cleanly and hygienically severing the rectal umbilicus.

Patent Pending 2010

Remember the Recto-Sheeromatic 5000? can be yours for the mere sum of £19.99

 

 

DISCLAIMER: Fart Strings will dissipate in time naturally, the humiliation of being connected to the colon cologne will not.

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