Customer Service, where you eat their children in front of them?

19 08 2011

I was always led to believe customer services were there to serve the customer.

customer

[kuhs-tuh-mer]

noun

1.

a person who purchases goods or services from another; buyer; patron.
2.
Informal . a foolish person who pays through the nose to be spoken to like a piece of shit, kept on hold for days at a time and still end up with a resolution worse than the initial situation called about.
3.
Informal. A blend of sport and business where a patron of the business is launched across a net by a company representative, using a slatted sports racquet, whereupon they are scudded by another company representative on the other side of said net, also holding a similar sports racquet, until the patron gives in to the business’ demands.
Origin:
2010-11; late Middle English; see custom, -er;  compare Middle English customer  victim of our capitalist society to Anglo-French; Old French costumier,  made to look like a fud so the business representative can laugh at you, while on hold.
According to our favourite tabloid encyclopedia:
Customer service is the provision of service to customers before, during and after a purchase.

You see, I don’t understand why, when we pay the wages of those who work for companies we do business with, customer services representatives cannot have the good grace to at least be polite and helpful. That is after all, what I presume they are employed to do.
Take for example my recent conversation with a popular celibate and chaste media company. Their prices are ridiculously expensive, especially telephone charges. I don’t want or need a telephone and I don’t need their crap tv package full of +1 channels, as I only ever watch ‘cooncil telly’ anyway. But I do use the internet and hoped to keep it as long as it was below a certain price.

Well wouldn’t you think I’d just asked if I could eat the customer service advisers newborn child while forcing her to watch?

And since when has £29 been under £20? Correct me if I’m wrong, my dyscalculia gives me arithmetic problems but I’m sure it’s a wee bit more, by oh I dunno, £9 or something?

I’ve always, ok I’ve almost always, been polite to customer services reps. They have a horrible job dealing with the arseholes of the universe but surely they should wait for the attitude to hit them before dishing it out to the customers. And you’d think companies would employ people who understand basic concepts of I cannot afford your ridiculous prices and only if it’s under £20.

Needless to say I got a deal with said celibate and chaste media provider, its more expensive than I’d hoped but under £20. I still feel like they’ve probably shafted me, but I’m committed now… or I will be committed if I ever have to deal with them again…by men in white coats with big syringes.

I guess that’s what happens when you eat people’s children in front of them.
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